I am going to be 21 this December 2009. I really feel much more mature now than before. And people always say I have always been more mature than people at my age. I can feel that I become less self-conscious, less self-centered, less shy, less depressed. Thank God for being mature. However I will stay young. I will do whatever I like, even if people say it is so childish to watch cartoons and read mangas. I will stay young forever. I will relate to people,whatever their age. See, I am much less pessimist.

2:50 p.m. - 2010-01-21

We Will Play Together in This Life

Human are stupid. I have known that from a long time. We do stupid things and we regret and we cry and we get lonely and we think about suicide and we cannot see what we really have and we are scared of things that have not even happened. Just like you, I am so stupid most of the time. Doing things that I should not do, giving up so early, blaming others. I still try to remind myself that all these things will pass, so nothing actually matters. No need to worry too much, cry too much. However those sufferings are what differ happiness from sadness. So I guess it is okay to cry our eyes out, because we will laugh again tomorrow. This world is so colourful, with sad things and happy things in it, a thought that makes me happy and sad at the same time.

What I love to do

Answering questions in yahoo!7 Answers. I actually believe I can be a very good psychologist. Write fiction stories, although slowly, I don't care. I have to finish what I started. Friends are wonderful. Thanks to Chreezel who always influences me with new songs and books and movies. My world is never boring anymore.

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Thanks to my smart genius friend, Chreezy,who transformed my ugly blog into the pretty one. It's nice to have smart friends hahaha.

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2010-01-21
I'm breaking down.
Maybe because I do nothing at home, get so lazy. No friends to go out with, no place to go to, and no transport I can go by myself (even the idea taking a bus here in my country makes me tired).
Although I have prayed again and again, although God always gave me the answer, to do my best and surrender the rest to Him, somehow I still sink into fear, thinking, what if I make mistakes again? What if, I will never be competent to be a nurse?
I just realised every prac I made mistakes, and I was lucky just to fail one. But the possibility of making other mistakes are so big in the future. I really hate people expect us to be perfect while we are still students. We are still learning. Sometimes we don't even know we do mistakes until someone point it out. And when they do, it is too late and we have to redo another prac. Twice failing, and retake the unit. And bye bye full time study, bye bye my friends who will graduate in 2010.
I think I just get pressured by all of these, to do something perfectly and super carefully (I wish I could just be a statue). And taking IELTS soon. If I fail this one too, I can take another one later, but sure it will give a trauma.
And looking at people getting boyfriends do not ease this feeling either. I guess the lack of activity, and I miss people in Perth make me feel this way. It makes me crazy thinking how I wanna return to my usual life but I dont want the holiday to be over.
And my life will never be the same, with extra prac, less work, less time to play, and study like mad.
Desperation has taken its toll.


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